ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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