It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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