Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
