Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
