3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
