We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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