It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
