I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
