Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
