Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
