I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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