thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
