clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
