Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
