I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
