Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
