I got chris browned last night
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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