i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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