Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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