Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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