His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
