Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
