So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
