Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
