so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You smell like a Billy Joel song
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
