I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
