I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i came on her dog
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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