I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
