I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
