I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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