dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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