well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So here I am, sexting at work.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
