Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
