Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
