Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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