Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
