I'm laying in your front yard are you home
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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