in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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