My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
