Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
