I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
