i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
