I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
