I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
