ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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