dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
