What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
