Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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