Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
