Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
