meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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