so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
