we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
