I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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