I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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